better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
