I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
