Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
