The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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