ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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