dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I AM VODKA MAN
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
