she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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