This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
