So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
