how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
