I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
