if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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