he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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