At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
