so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
