aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
