Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
