My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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