He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
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