This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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