I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
