We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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