My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
