I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
