He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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