If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
