Porn is love you can see.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
