My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
