PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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