You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
