i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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