Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
