i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
