what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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