Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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