He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We just shotgunned beers for America
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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