plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
