Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
