i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
