I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
