Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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