Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
