I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
