remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
