I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
