it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
In other news, I just burned my penis
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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