I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Mom said you looked used
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
