just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
