i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
