Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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