Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
bring money and cleavage
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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