I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My feet surprised me
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
