I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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